Seeing Face to Face

Everyone wants to be known---recognized. Instead of writing about writing, I just want to acknowledge that there are many people facing trying times, or at least some self-reflection. Let me say this: you have my utmost attention. Ultimately, I really don't know what to say. No one can tell someone else how to feel. Nor can I assume that the things that have worked for me (or not worked for me) would also apply to you. I can listen, but I can only speak from my reflections based on my own experience...And it seems like I only learn by trial and lots and lots of error.

My biggest mistakes have been 1.) to try and do everything on my own. When I was very young, I made the conscious decision to be completely self-sufficient. I didn't want to burden other people with my problems, true, but I was also terrified that other people might think that I needed them. Another grave mistake I have made is 2.) not giving myself the same grace that I try to show to other people. As you can probably imagine, these two kinks have led to a whole host of problems I am still trying to work out. And I must be honest and say that I will probably always struggle with these issues to a greater or lesser degree. I hate my weaknesses, but dwelling on that isn't changing anything, except to place despair over hope. Despair, however, is not illogical. People despair because they have a pretty good grasp on the harshness of reality---its' angles. Healthy people need to put on rosy glasses to smooth out our own wrinkles, as well as those in others. Hope isn't deceptive, but it is certainly a stubborn refusal of the pain and loneliness and inevitability that seem like 'common sense.'

I think recognizing your flaws, whatever they may be, is the first step towards finding any kind of peace. It's much easier to muster up understanding and compassion for others if you have first offered it to yourself. Again, it probably sounds trite, but I wouldn't say it unless it was something that I have paid much in order to say it so...simply.

I hope you find your face, and your reflection.